Update...

California has been a great experience. I love being here with Kathy and helping her with her home. When I came out last fall and stayed with her...I realized that I wasn't ready to be a wife and a mother. Doing her dishes, wiping up after Kayla, dusting, cooking meals, and baking yummy treats has given me a glimpse of what being a wife and a mother would be like. I realize that there is so much more to it than I have mentioned. I am ready. I am ready for that chapter in my life. I have even shed a few tears as I lay in bed at night...my heart yearns.

I posted on here that Burke and I had a great first date. We have been able to spend more time together. On the second date, we stayed in with Kathy and Scott. We had dinner, watched the jazz game and played cards. He was funny and talkative. It was going well...I thought. We made plans to go to the Santa Monica Pier for Saturday night. He got off work later than expected so we ended up playing Miniature Golf and getting some ice cream. We came back to Kathy and Scott's to watch a movie. Conversation was lacking, silence was deafening, and the chemistry was gone.

I have had a lot of time today to think. To think about my experiences in life. I truly believe that people are put into my life for a reason and within them there is a lesson for me to learn. I will be forever indebted to the people who have crossed my paths. I am grateful to have such great friends who give a listening ear and voice positive thoughts during bad times. I am grateful for those who believe in me. I am grateful for those who have been incredible examples to me and make me want to be a better person.

This trip has been refreshing amidst all the events that have taken place. I have thoroughly enjoyed sitting on the couch with Kathy and talking for hours as the breeze comes through the window. It has been great to be with a friend who knows me, who knows my past and who knows the potential that I possess. Thank you, Kath.